Saturday, January 30, 2010

Feeling sorry for myself

I have been missing from my blog cause I really have not been in a bloggie (is that a word) mood. I have mostly been sitting feeling sorry for myself because of this darn seizure thing. I mean I feel forgotten in a weired kind of way. And I HATE having to take pills every day. It is making me real mad. Last time I lost 10 pounds in a month this time I have only lost 3 and been a whole lot sicker so that stinks! Maybe I should start working out at least that is what I tell myself every day but I feel sick so I don't. I know it could be worse cause I read all about her but I am stuck here and hate it and hate to ask for help even if people offer it. I know weird but that is me. So I sit and cry and count the days till I can drive. I did drive last night when Will went to the store and got out and said he was running in and to drive around and just got out and so I had to. It was fun. Jordan was worried but I loved it. I felt normal.
It's hard to feel normal on these pills they make me feel crazy but soon crazy becomes normal and that is just weird. But I do have a wonderful husband who lets me cry to him and vent every night. He works hard and takes time to spend time with us when he can. He took me to the temple last weekend. He had to be with the youth but it was still fun to ride up and spend time in the car together.
Sorry for the pitty party this is why I haven't posted in a while but look for a post coming soon on how we got Jordan's 2nd tooth out! You don't want to miss it:)


Anonymous said...

Reina, I don't know if you remember me from Escalante Ward, we left about 4 years ago. I just wanted to let you know that I am praying for you and although I can't say I know what it feels like, I do know how frustrating it can be because of my daughters epilepsy. Don't give up. My daughter has been on 5 different medications in the past 2 years and we seem to have finally found two that seem to balance out the crazy and the moody. Even though doctors know the side effects, everyone is different and having a good neurologist who listens and is willing to change medications is always better than just dealing with things. There was one medication that literally made my daughter crazy and violent and no one would really pay enough attention and switch her meds, they just tried giving us "happy pills" to cope. Pay attention to how you feel and let them know, and don't jsut accept the feelings as "normal" for the medication. Take care of yourself so you can take care of your beautiful children. Hang on, you will get there soon enough. :)

Becky said...

It's okay to be MAD at the illness. You will KICK IT'S BUTT. You'll get better just like you have before :). I do tend to get jealous of people who seem to have good health because it really doesn't seem fair that some of us have to deal with bizarre health issues. But, in the end I wouldn't trade my life and my weird health problems for anyone else's specific trials. Hang in there and the light will start shining at the end of the tunnel.

Jenn and Kylann said...

Reina, I just noticed your post on FB so I thought I would check out your blog. I had no idea that you were having to struggle through this. Please, please if you EVER need any help with the kids or whatever else, give me a call. I am home all day and I'd be happy to give you break once in awhile...Have they found out what is causing the seizures? I have heard that it's possible to get them if you get an extremely high fever and have been sick for awhile. I hope they figure something out soon and you are able to get off your meds.

Chantri said...

Hi! I'm kind of a stranger, but I don't feel like I am since I read your blog. I've been a bad blogger too lately, but don't have the excuse you have. I'm SO sorry that you have been put through this trial in your life. I have a sister who started having Epilepsy Seizures when she was 9 months old. I saw first hand the struggles she went through with mainly her self esteem and confidence. She is 25 today and still has them. She takes 3 pills in the morning and 3 pills in the afternoon and 3 pills in the evening. After many many tests they can only locate the side of the brain they are triggered on, but not why. She actually got her drivers license at 15 but since then has been in 3 bad accidents (that she has walked away from) all seizure related, so now that she is a mom (her PERFECT little girl is 6 months old) she no longer drives, not AT ALL in fact for the last 2 years.
It's hard to rely on someone all the time, but you know- people really are happy to help, it helps us fulfill our callings here on earth too. :)
Know that I am thinking about you and praying they will find a cause to it, and also that you don't have any more. Your beautiful inside and out, and even on medication! And I do have to add that my sister has been switched a bazillion times in her life and like howezookeeper said, some really make you violent and crazy (I have memories of childhood and scars on my arms to prove it!!) But her meds work well for her now and she is as close to "normal" as possible... I say close to normal cuz the dang girl can eat a pan of brownies and still stay a size 0. NOT FARE AT ALL. I wish I could steal them! haha She really went from a size 7-9 to a 0 in about a year and has been for the past 7 years even after having a baby!!